Don’t Worry, I’m Not Going To Talk About Being Pregnant

I’m sure all of you are sick and tired of hearing me talk about being pregnant.  Hell, I’m sick and tired of hearing me talk about being pregnant.  But Pregnant has taken over my brain, set up camp and decided to stay for awhile.  Pregnant has become that house guest that just won’t leave, that sits in your spot on the couch, takes showers and allows water to leak all over your bathroom floor, eats all your food and drinks all your beer…Oh dear lord, Pregnant has become my brother in law.

So I’m not going to talk about being pregnant again, I certainly don’t want to bore all of you.  I’ll just get a couple of things out of the way and then I’ll start talking about something more fun, like Corned Beef or Carrot Cake.  Yes, I will talk about Carrot Cake.  In a minute.

I just wish I could see an end to it all, I honestly feel like I was born pregnant!  But every time I close my eyes to picture the finish line, something I have always had an uncanny ability to do, I just can’t.  I just sit here on my side of the couch, waiting for water to break, or contractions to hurt, but I’ve got nothin’.  I hear that walking and lunges can get things started but I can’t do those things considering the horrific back pain I’ve been experiencing.  I hear that drinking a pint of Guinness can do the trick, but all I accomplished with that one is remain incredibly pregnant with a beer in my hand.  I hear basil and oregano can induce labor, but so far my pizza lunches have done nothing except give me horrible indigestion.

The weekend is here now and that always gets me excited because I think about how much easier it would be if I go into labor on a weekend when everyone is available to help and I’m not forced to inconvenience anyone.  Well, except my brother who works the most on weekends.  Will he even be able to get off of work to come if I go into labor during the Saturday night rush hour?  But then Tuesday is the 8th and that’s my favorite number, so I think about how cool that would be…even my son was born on the 8th.  My in-laws will be in town by the 10th, so maybe that would be the best time to go into labor because then they would be here to watch my son while my parents are there at the hospital.  And then the 15th was my father-in-law’s birthday and he passed away several years ago, so I feel pressured to make something else fantastic happen on that day.  You see, Pregnant?-I’m giving you sooo many perfect scenarios, all you have to do it pick one!  Just pick one!!

Even my fortune cookie last night told me the baby was coming soon!  It said, ‘pack your bags white girl, you are about to go into labor!’  Actually it said, ‘Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance.  Share your news’, but that’s like basically the same thing.  Who knows when this thing will actually happen.  I can’t predict it, my mid-wife can’t predict it, no matter how many times I ask her to, and the stars and the moon and all the fortune cookies in the world can’t predict it either.  She will come to see us whenever she decides to.  I only ask that she make her decision kinda soon because now I’m craving Carrot Cake and I can’t get up to make it.

*Partially Homemade/Partially Store-bought/Wholly Delicious Carrot Cake

-1 cup unsweetened applesauce
-1/2 cup apple juice
-1 cup light brown sugar
-4 large eggs
-1 tsp ground cinnamon
-1 box Spice Cake Mix
-1 box vanilla pudding mix
-3 cups shredded carrots (about 4-5 large carrots)
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–In a mixing bowl, mix the applesauce, apple juice and brown sugar until ‘creamy’.
–Add in your eggs and mix, one at a time.
–Mix in your cinnamon and cake mix until fully combined.
–Fold in your shredded carrots and pour into 2 greased and floured round cake pans*
–Bake at 325 for 40 minutes, until the edges have started to come away from the sides of the pan and the center is set.
–Allow your cakes to cool to room temperature in the pan before cooling them completely on a rack.
–Once cool, frost with an icing made of 1 brick of softened cream cheese and 1 stick of softened, unsalted butter flavored with vanilla and almond extract and enough powdered sugar to make it sweet, but not so much that it no longer tastes like cream cheese…just taste as you go.
–Dust with ground cinnamon.
*(these also make excellent cupcakes…perfect for Easter!)