My brain wrote a cheesecake the other day (among other things) and would like to share it with you. I also just realized tomorrow is Easter and I don’t know who is playing this cruel joke every year, but it’s getting old. We aren’t religious people, my family. We’re full on candy in a basket/egg dying/egg hunting/ mimosa/ brunch Easter people. So even if we weren’t still in a pandemic, we wouldn’t be having a big celebration or going anywhere that required a lot of prep on my part. But still, there are things I like to do for my family and friends every year that I just realized I had a day to do. Our back yard is under construction, which should provide an easy set for an egg hunt… The house is full of candy and champagne (fairly standard procedure)… I’ll dig in the closet for something pastel to sit and sip in… so, welp. I think maybe I’m all set after all🤷♀️.
You know what I find fascinating? The mind-body connection and how that can change throughout your life. It is so highly important to nurture a strong and intentional connection with your mind to your body, but it’s not something you can just decide to do because you read it somewhere. You cannot simply think yourself into a connection to your body. You cannot poof it into existence. Maybe you can be born into it, but I certainly wasn’t. Or if I was, it was lost.
For most of my adult life I think I was someone who truly thought she had it all covered – the mind, the body, the insides and outs of me – up until last year. I never thought I was immune to help and change, but I did think I was pretty solid on who I was. I can say now that’s because I had achieved certain physical goals of mine. And when that happens, it’s easy to believe that everything else naturally falls into place. The goal being to get your outsides to a place they’ve never been before means the other voices inside of you get trained to think they’ve reached theirs as well. But I have never felt more inside of my body, and connected to it with my mind than I do right now.
That feels like something I, as the writer, would like to repeat.
For those of you who follow me for recipes, I’m not going to apologize. But I will say I get it. You haven’t gotten that side of me in a bit.
Or any side, really.
I’ve cooked the breakfasts, lunches and dinners – sometimes snacks and desserts – for my family every.single.day for the past year. (Except when my man flexes those kitchen guns🔥).
I’ve been creating, I’ve been making, I’ve been providing and feeding…
I just haven’t been documenting it for anybody else.
I haven’t been creating content.
And most of you know that was for a very specific reason.
But for those of you who are still around, there are things to come.
The world feels like it’s starting to allow breath to happen again, and that’s a wonderful step in the right direction.
I’m not under anyone else’s clock to perform maybe / probably / definitely for the first time ever in my life, but I’m still doing what I love every single day.
Even if you don’t see it here.
But! And! So! Here’s the Springy side I threw together last night when it felt like Spring in my backyard.
Taken with my phone on a step-stool meant for children before I fell off, because a girl is a bit out of practice.
There’s no need for a recipe, but here’s a summary of what I did :
Quick Springy Veggies with Lemon Ricotta and Herbs
It’s just one bunch of trimmed asparagus, sliced into thirds together, blistered in a cast iron with green onions cut to the same size.
A bit of olive oil and some salt.
Thinly sliced garlic and several handfuls of defrosted, frozen peas added at the end.
Once the peas and the garlic caught up the asparagus, it was done.
Double cream ricotta + lemon zest + salt to top.
Basil + mint + parsley to top that.
Fresh and simple.
Love y’all. Talk soon. Don’t forget what’s real x
I don’t know why I call the breakfast dish with an egg cooked inside a piece of toast a ‘Toad in The Hole’… the name itself doesn’t even make sense. But for some reason it’s what I call it. Some call it ‘Eggs in a Nest’ which makes WAY more sense than ‘Toad in the Hole’. Eggs come from nests and toads have zero to do with the kind of eggs I want to be eating. Some call it ‘Eggs in Toast’. Basic, right to the point, no points for creativity, but I know what I’m getting there. I’ve heard it called ‘Goldmine Egg’, ‘One Eyed Pirate’ (now that just sounds dirty), ‘Popeye’… ‘Sunshine Egg’ is a good one, it makes complete sense to me, plus it’s pretty and happy. In the movie, Moonstruck they call it ‘Egg in a Trashcan’, or uova nel cestino (not happy). It’s been ‘Egg in a Basket’, ‘One Eyed Egyptian’ (I can’t be certain, but that feels racist to me), and one of my favorites may be ‘Peek-a-boo Eggs’. Now that’s just damn adorable. ‘Rocky Mountain Toast’ is another, but I only think of bull balls when I hear anything Rocky Mountain.
My daughter has always liked the song, ‘Believer’ by Imagine Dragons. I’ve liked it too; singing along with her when it came on, bopping to the beat. It’s a fun song and hard not to move to.
I do not know the lyrics to ‘Believer’ by Imagine Dragons.
I do not know the lyrics to most of the songs I sing along to on the radio, but it does not slow me down from singing what I think they’re saying.
I thought in ‘Fast Car’ by Tracy Chapman she was saying ‘I had a feeling I could pee some more, pee some more, pee some more…’, when in actuality she is saying ‘I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone….‘ Granted I was 7 and the giggles from my 5 year old brother in the back of the red Aerostar were likely the genesis of the misnomer, but it still is hard not to sing about her having to pee whenever the tune comes on.
Darling boy, today you are a teenager.
This morning I was up with the moon looking through old footage.
It was very Clark Griswold in the attic.
I constantly marvel at who you are, where you came from and how lucky I am to get to fit into your story.
Thirteen years ago, you came too early. But took your time.
Your insides weren’t ready to leave me, so they took you away.
I waited for days upon days before I could hold you and feel you again. Days upon days to kiss you, feed you.
Thirteen years ago, I fought my hardest fight while you fought yours – miles away from each other.
We were no longer sharing a home and I have never felt so empty in all of my life.
You are no longer little, no longer dependent upon my grasp, but I feel as though it was yesterday when I could fit you into the nook of my forearm.
I can still hear your first words, your first laugh, watch your first step, and it’s all too hard to believe it was that long ago. And yet, the amount of life we have lived together seems impossible to fit into this small amount of time.
My life started when I got to hold you in my arms.
You gave me the purpose I had always ached for.
And I have gotten to watch you grow into the boy I could only have dreamed of.
The kind of boy this world needs more of –
Kind. Smart. Thoughtful.
Intentionally Tender and Inspiringly Carefree.
That same tiny heart that struggled to do its job thirteen years ago has grown into the biggest and hardest working heart I know.
And I will never, ever let a day go by where you don’t feel my pride for you and my never-ending gratitude for the man you are letting me raise.
I am here for you forever and always. I will fight anything and everything in order to make you feel safe, loved and accepted for precisely who you continue to choose to be.
Anything you want, you got it.
Anything you need, you got it.
Anything at all – you got it, baby.
Yours in head scratches and breakfast cake,
P.S. The fact that you would electively fill blessing bags for families in need with your family makes you the coolest damn teenager I know.
Fourth wall break – To those of you who helped us honor him today, I thank you here. I am grateful.