Food + Wine

Cleanest Dirty

We all know I live a life of balance, yeah?  I eat bread.  I drink beer.  I eat red meat.  I like naps and pj’s. I wear high heels and too much mascara.

But I also workout like a maniac.  I sweat everyday.  I push myself every day. I don’t wear makeup unless I’m going somewhere worthy.  I live most of my days in either bikinis or underwear and bare feet.


I don’t like restrictions.  I don’t like rules.  I don’t like wrongs and rights. Or blacks and whites.

I like grey.

I like solid and cool and chill.

Does this surprise you?

Fair enough.

Balance means something different to a lot of people, ok. I get that.

I, myself, am a fairly hot and cold kinda gal… when I’m happy, I’m the happiest girl in the room… and I’m gonna jump up and down and attack you with hugs and dance parties… when I’m sad, I’ll cry like Julia Roberts… when I’m mad, boy you better getchur ass out my way cuz I’ma kick it.

However, when it comes to my life and what surrounds me and how I eat and such, I like to have all things open and on the table as options.

This comes from a background of eating terribly and hating my body and becoming sick with disorders that caused me to think I needed to restrict so many things in order to be living my best life as my best looking self.

Notice how I didn’t say ‘best *feeling* self*.

That’s the kicker.  We (my old self included) tend to focus too much on what our outsides can look like and how we can make them get there, rather than what our insides feel like.  And I’m not gonna sit here and tell you you need to love yourself on the inside before you can ever love yourself on the outside… Nah.  You’ve heard that before, and sometimes it makes us feel inspired to hear it, but sometimes it’s utter cow poop.

I’ll tell you right now that when I feel terrible, feel l like I look terrible, etc etc etc… I pull a Liz Taylor and

pour myself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull myself together

LITERALLY make my outsides look better.  And damnit if my insides don’t follow.

Nobody tells you that.  Nobody writes books about that.  Why?  Because it sounds vain AF.  But it’s the honest truth.  When we look better, we feel better and when we feel better, we do better, and when we do better, big things start to shift into the greater better.

it’s just simple math, ya’ll.

So, when my husband and I decided to go on a juice cleanse earlier this week, the fact that my week ended the way that it did is totally and completely expected…

We went Monday through Tuesday with nothing but the Clean Juice Cleanse (totally easy and cool and recommended.. came out feeling super clean and crisp and sharp and better). Then Wednesday, we ate whole and fresh and raw and clean foods to ease our systems back into real life…

But then Wednesday night I had a work event and we were given wine and pork belly and ended the night with champagne.

Then I woke up and drove, first thing, to Durham to spend the day and night with some girlfriends… sausage + egg + cheese biscuits, ramen, burgers, more and more and more champagne with the girls talking and laughing and crying until 2 am.

Woke up first thing Friday and drove back home and walked straight into a meeting, having only eaten a spoonful of car peanut butter with unwashed hair, forgotten bra and not a stitch of makeup on… then went straight into a lunch with beer, then straight into showering for the first time in two days and getting dolled up for a friend’s art show with more beer and wine and a steak and eggs dinner to cap off the evening.

And here I am today.

I am tired.  I feel like I’ve lived as 56 people this week.  The best way to describe me right now is ‘gentle zombie cloud’.  But damnit I feel good.  Because I said YES and did stuff and experienced people and things, and at the end of the week I absolutely had one of balance.

We HAVE to stop thinking we have to live every single day perfectly ‘balanced’ in order to achieve happy-ness or clean-ness, or perfect-ness.  We HAVE to start thinking more big picture and stop restricting ourselves from joy in order to stay on one track we thought we needed to be on.

When you’re old and grey and can’t move or chew anymore, what do you think you’re gonna wish you did more of?

Just Be, ya’ll.  Just be.

Try things and have more grey areas.

…and when you’re left with leftover juices from your Juice Cleanse (I just didn’t need them all, to be honest… and I don’t like wasting stuff), you get creative.

And you get dirty.

The Beet Marg

makes about 3 cocktails

(the following is a recipe using the Clean Juice brand juice containing beet juice as the main ingredient, but there are many different brands that sell beet based vegetable and fruit juices that I’m sure would work… also experiment with any you have already!)

In a pitcher, combine the following…

  • 1 (16 oz) RED JUICE (beet, apple, carrot, lemon)
  • 4 oz tequila
  • 2 oz triple sec
  • 3 limes, juiced

Stir and pour over ice.

detox / retox


love ya’ll xo

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